Dating, Writing & Beach Volleyball

Life Is Good

Nothing fancy today. I just thought it would be nice to connect with all of you and give you a little update about what I’m up to at the moment. Maybe you’ve noticed that I was a little less active with sending out emails than usual. In this case, it’s a very good sign because I’ve been very busy in two areas: dating and writing my book—and playing beach volleyball in between.

I’m still in Koh Pha Ngan in Thailand, the island that rests on a gigantic quartz, a mineral known to boost love energy, thus attracting the love birds of the world. If you want to be geologically correct, it has a “quartz-rich geology” with “intrusive granite formations and quartz veins,” but it’s definitely true that the island has an energy that makes it very likely you’ll get some love and affection if you’re open to it. Life is very vibrant here; there are gigantic parties every day, and everyone is really open to connection.

At some point, this energy even got to me. Over the last three years, I was involved in testing out a potential life partner a few times, but in general, I was very walled-in and focused on giving myself enough space to lick my wounds and get back on track. Because let’s be honest, my breakdown and the years that followed were a hell of a ride. About two years into my rollercoaster, I had regained personal stability—but only if I carefully kept my life disruption-free. And what bigger disruption is there than love?

I’ve already started writing a much longer version of this text involving all the details, but I don’t want to turn my newsletter into a soap opera, so I’ll only say this: all of a sudden, I was in the middle of high school again - rumors, misunderstandings, love triangles. As if the universe wanted to give me a crash course in dating in under 10 days.

What I want to share, though, is my lesson. Again, I attracted unavailable women. Again, that revealed the most wounded parts in me, and I started sending long messages and spreading energy of desperation. Until I stopped it. I had one of those revelations that are difficult to put into words. All of a sudden, it became crystal clear that my self-worth still depended on outside confirmation. The reason I got so clingy once again became obvious. Every time I met a woman that I really liked, another voice came with it automatically: you don’t deserve her.

The moment I realized that was when I felt my self-worth. If you know me personally, you also know that I do not seem to lack confidence, and in almost all life situations, I am completely convinced I am worthy of everything beautiful that flows my way. Except the moment I believe I’ve found the love of my life. In those moments, my self-respect still had cracks.

It was such a healing experience to feel that on a profound level. Something very deep clicked into place. Right the next day, I sat at the beach, hiding behind sunglasses, a hat, and a towel, waiting for my massage, and a woman approached me. I will definitely not make the same mistake and tell myself after 10 days that she is the one, but with her, I am experiencing something I rarely—if ever—have in my whole life.

I feel entirely safe in communication. I feel entirely safe in the bedroom. For many of you, that may be normal, but for me, it is the greatest possible gift to experience intimacy without fear.

I feel so relaxed in that connection that I even have the mental stability to continue writing my book. Just now, I finished one of the most complicated chapters of it about “Imagination & Reality,” and in total, I have written 340 pages by now. I believe I’m about 80% finished, and I can already see that it will be a masterpiece.

That is big talk for someone who has never written a book, but the experience of writing it is just so intense. The structure of my book, as complicated as it is, just appears before me the moment I move on to the next chapter. I didn't create a plan beforehand like most writers do, and still, the structure just appears—just as the text itself flows through me. Every time I finish writing, it feels like waking up from a dream.

And what comes through by now is so out of this world and at the same time so coherent and internally logical that it makes me freeze in awe when I reread it afterward. It will have elements of a memoir, but mostly it is an explanation about how to expand your consciousness and achieve full self-realization, along with an explanation of how the universe works.

Again, big talk—but also just facts. I’ve never felt more aligned with a project and I truly believe it might serve more than just me.

As you can see, I am doing great. Can’t wait to publish the book. It might keep me busy in the future and reduce my writing here, but bear with me. It will be worth it.

I hope you are doing great—I love all of you.