How to Choose Your Teachers Wisely
I Hope You Don't Have to Learn It the Hard Way
We have a lot of assumptions about spiritual people. We assume that a spiritual person has less ego. We assume that a spiritual person is more dedicated to progress. And we assume that a spiritual person has more virtue. None of this is true. All of this creates a great hiccup on humanity’s path to the new age.
Here is where these assumptions are coming from. We think a deeply spiritual person has been rewarded for being a good person. We believe a person with spiritual gifts has them because of their achievements in life. But you don’t need to be a good person to become spiritual; being moral isn’t a prerequisite for receiving spiritual gifts.
The only thing you need is motivation. My motivation to discover the spiritual realms was to flee my trauma and my suffering and I think it is a very common motivation. Yet, there are a ton of different reasons to walk that path. Just yesterday I met someone who told me her motivation was to chase an eternal high. She was abusing substances a lot and she wanted to have those trips without needing a dealer.
Other people might explore that path because it is a good way to hold power over people or to feel good about themselves. I am telling you this because you can even be spiritual for the wrong reasons and become a good person and you can be spiritual for the right reasons and become a bad person. You don’t know. And if the motivation is wrong, a spiritual person can be just a crook like everyone else.
This is even true for spiritual people who definitely have a gift. This is also true for gifted healers, channelers, and all kinds of other magicians. Those gifts aren’t connected to virtue either. We all carry those gifts but we still don’t understand how they become alive. My best guess is that it is entirely random. Imagine corn kernels in an oven. It is completely unpredictable which corn kernel will pop first once you turn up the heat and virtue has nothing to do with it.
If anything it is harder to tell with spiritual people which ones are the crooks. With gifts alive, it is easier to read and manipulate people and hide your motivation. Additionally, there is an effect in place that makes it even worse. Spiritual people with the wrong motivation are more driven to convert their abilities into power and money. They will crave a following and recognition more than a spiritual person predominantly motivated by love and compassion.
Add a sick society to this equation and it plays out badly. We are trained to trust numbers and outside confirmation. We are trained to trust a wealthy person more than a poor person. To clarify: I am not saying that a spiritual guru with wealth and a huge following is a bad teacher just for those reasons! But the opposite isn’t true either. The fact that a teacher is economically successful and has a huge following is no indicator of virtue - if anything you should test that person twice as hard.
So how do we choose our teachers wisely? The best solution I can come up with is to look out for someone dedicated to putting you into your power and who practices accountability. Your teacher will make mistakes. Does he or she pretend to be infallible? Run. Does he or she have a hard time admitting mistakes and apologizing? Run.
Additionally, the biggest desire of a true teacher is that you don’t need him or her anymore as soon as possible. Does your guru persistently hand you back your power every time you start to give it away? Is that person determined to strengthen your sovereign decision-making? Or is he or she training you to be dependent on their judgment and confirmation? A true teacher doesn’t tell you what to do but teaches you how to decide for yourself.
My teacher, mentor, and friend Cris Beasley did something really beautiful in our connection to ensure my complete individualization. After a ten-month container of intense transformation, she introduced a period of three months that she called the fledging period. During that time we agreed to have no contact at all. I could have called her if there had been a real emergency but that would have restarted the three-month timeframe.
The effect was astonishing. It was my most expansive time I think. Although she constantly reminded me of my own power during my training, just the fact that she was teaching me for ten months established a subtle dependency in me that showed up strongly during the fledging. After having no stability at all for my whole life, her stability was almost addictive to me and the fledging was definitely a cold-turkey experience.
Yet, it was those three months that made me discover my center and that made me realize that there are certain people that I want in my life but that I don’t need anyone to master my path. Look out for such a teacher - don’t trust fame and wealth as indicators. If anything it’ll confuse your vision.
here is what happens if you choose the wrong teacher:
