Soul Mate Energy
The Almost Weekly Tom
I feel ready to receive a partner and to “co-create a human being” as I heard someone say this weekend. There is even this precise knowing about what her skin will feel like, how her lips will taste, and what kind of humor she will have. I wrote down a list of characteristics I want to have from my future wife and without any effort that list grew and grew. All of this knowing isn’t clear in the sense that I could identify her in a police line-up but the moment I talk to her I will know.
Meeting soul mate energy
A couple of days ago I met someone who sparked that knowing, let’s call her Emma. Her energy felt so familiar and made me feel so at home. When I first talked to her we were three people having breakfast in a breath-taking beachclub. I was intrigued by her from the start and it became more and more clear to me that there is something here. Emma seemed to feel the same. At some point, she asked only half-jokingly if I was her future husband and our bodies clearly attracted each other.
So I invited her for dinner because I was curious and wanted to discover this connection. It was a beautiful moment and as I perceived it an innocent moment. I spoke with spontaneity and from the heart. I wasn’t nervous at all about asking her out because it seemed so obvious to me that we would have a date. To my surprise, Emma answered that she didn’t feel it the same way I did but that we could have dinner without expectations and she gave me her number.
The same day, still high on emotions from the meeting with Emma, I took a class on contact improvisation at Yoga Barn. Contact dance is something really beautiful but it’s also challenging for me - a perfect combination of reasons to do it. We did an exercise that included leaning into your partner. You stand in front of each other, chest on chest for example, and then you lean your weight into the other person.
Doing that has a very interesting effect. If you don’t trust the other person you hold back your weight but instead of creating stability you achieve the opposite. But if you lean in fully while keeping your core strong and staying soft at the same time you can reach a point of complete relaxation. Both people stand but it is more like lying on a couch because the partners doing this exercise give each other so much additional stability that you can relax completely.
With one partner in the class, it didn’t work. Every time we tried she got all giggly and crumbled. That triggered me so hard that I had to take a break from the class. Later at home in my meditation, I saw the connection: Although my mind still thought that I would have a beautiful date with Emma, every other part of my being already knew that she had crumbled.
The next day I tried to text her and it turned out to be true. Emma gave me a fake number - realizing that was painful and got me confused. Looking back at the conversation with her I realized how scared she got the moment I asked for a date although the third person at the date table later told me he thought he was the witness of the start of a beautiful romance.
I am not blaming her. I did the same before. I met someone and the energies were so strong and beautiful that after 5 minutes I fled to the restroom and then went straight home without saying goodbye. Only weeks later did I realize that I collapsed under that intense energy of love and God knows how many times I had crumbled before.
Realizing that my ex-wife loved me unconditionally
I don’t think soul mates exist. I think soul mate energy exists and it can take on different souls as its carrier. You meet someone and there is this intensely strong connection. That means soul mate energy is there but it is on us to harness it. Both sides have to be strong enough to say yes to it. Because everyone who felt that energy knows how intimidating it can be. How scary. Both people involved need to be really stable to hold that energy.
Some people make it to that point and it is beautiful to see. Some souls are able to harness that soul mate energy and say yes to each other and since the universe’s curriculum is always meticulously planned, just one day after I got in touch with soul mate energy, I was invited to my first Bali wedding! Thank you Manish and Joelle for inviting me! I guess you could call it a tantra techno wedding and it was full of joy, kindness, art, and party!
So many beautiful people sharing their gifts with the crowd, so much dancing, so many beautiful and heart-connecting ceremonies, so much laughing and delicious food. The next morning though, I also felt numb and it took my great friend and 7th dimension magician Cris to get me out of that numbness which allowed me to realize what had happened. Not only was I witnessing how soul mate energy can be manifested into a beautiful relationship, but the bride’s name was also Joelle.
I only know two people named Joelle. The bride of that wedding and my ex-wife. Both of them are very similar in their nature. There is such purity in the way they connect with people and they both have a smile that reaches down all the way to their heart. I love(d) that about my Joelle and now I realize that I was so drawn to her because with her I felt loved unconditionally for the first time. Unfortunately, I wasn’t able to receive or even realize it while I was still with her and I realize that beautiful gift she gave me two years too late.
Disconnecting from my parents
The next night I had a very intense dream which was triggered by a conversation with the mediator I mentioned last week. The goal of this mediation was to find a way to reconnect with my parents but in that conversation, I discovered that I have to completely disconnect for now. This is how much the universe trusts the strength of my heart. It sent me three painful lessons in one week including my soul mate, my parents, and my ex-wife.
In that dream, I was still at home in the house I lived with my parents when I was a teenager and where my abuse happened. I dreamt that I was an adult but I felt as helpless as I had felt as a young child. Then my ex-wife Joelle appeared, distracted my parents and we ran to the car and fled, my father chasing me and we only narrowly escaped.
What to make of all this?
I have told you three separate stories. One about soul mate energy reentering my life. One was about the realization that with my ex-wife Joelle I felt loved unconditionally for the first time in my life and that there was indeed soul-mate energy present in our connection. And last but not least the realization that contact with my parents, even if it is just one text a month, will only bring pain and suffering to both sides.
All of this would be hard to stomach on its own. Realizing the depth of the connection with my ex-wife years after it happened meant that I felt it and lost it at the same moment. Also, I don’t think I have to tell you how hard it is to disconnect from your own parents. God knows I have tried not to. I am sending them love almost daily in my meditations but I start to accept that in this reality there will be great distance between us, maybe for the rest of our lives.
getting access to the never-ending supply of pure love that your heart can pump up from the void was a real game-changer for me and crucial to get through this week with ease. try it! (paid)
And still, I feel ok! You might think I am devastated typing this and sure I dropped some tears on the keyboard but my self-love, my support system, and my understanding of my emotions are so stable by now that I can take all this and still have a fun week. I had a great wedding, I was able to keep improving my website and pleasure is coming in! Without getting too much into detail, I rediscovered my flirtatious side that was hidden for almost two years now and I had a lot of pleasure through physical touch this week. Today I will even go to a tantric temple night and I am so excited. Will keep you posted!
So what’s the universe’s lesson of this week? First of all, it shows how beautiful and powerful it is if love comes from within yourself. This week showed me that unconditional love coming from your own heart releases you completely from co-dependency, even from your own parents.
Second, I know now that I am ready to give and receive unconditional love with my life partner. While I didn’t have the emotional maturity in the past I have it now. I am prepared. The next time soul mate energy shows up I won’t be the person that crumbles. And at some point, she won’t crumble either.
new entries to the website:
I created a new landing page, check it out:
after months of contemplating fear this is the final keystone - one huge section of Maps of Ascension feels complete (paid):
