Testing People Is the Opposite of Trusting Them
The Almost Weekly Tom
Some emotions we cannot know until we experience them and we cannot experience them before we know them. So if you are on your own, if you try to find the sensation of that emotion alone by yourself you are stuck. For me, trust was such an emotion. I never had it because my parents never showed me how trust feels. Their means to make themselves feel safe was control, so I copied that. In all of my friendships and relationships until two years ago what I took for trust was in reality control. I thought I trusted those people but in reality, I trusted my ability to control them.
Because of my lack of trust, I was not only limited in my connections with other people but was limited in my growth in general. If we stay within the boundaries that we already know we are stagnating. Growth happens when we expose ourselves to situations that we cannot control.
The first time I broke my trap around trust was 2 years ago when I “decided” to go on the spiritual journey. I use quotation marks because I didn’t decide - life decided it for me. I was broken. My life energy was leaking. Out of desperation, I started to trust this new spiritual world like a desperate settler who trusts himself to the ocean in a wobbly canoe because he has to.
Yet, my mistrust, the pattern of wanting to control situations is still alive - it only has moved to different areas of my life, and on top of that I believe that I still don’t feel trust fully. I have workarounds to trust things. For example, I evaluate things by their outcome and if that outcome is positive for a long time I start to trust that. That is how I started to trust my guides - I have observed how valuable all their insights are and I trust that.
The problem is I don’t trust my guides, I trust my mind’s evaluation of their effectiveness. That’s a huge difference. Also, that strategy fails with people. If I need to evaluate in order to trust, I need to test a person constantly so that I can feel safe which creates mistrust instead of trust and this energy is difficult to hold in every connection.
I have learned a lot of trust already - I don’t want to sound like I don’t know how to trust at all. But I start to experience a new level of trust. As you might have read last week, I am discovering a connection with a beautiful human soul and last week was intense. Constantly, I tested and evaluated and was on high alert to detect red flags which is not wrong per se. Compatibility has to be checked before we move deeper into a relationship. But it shouldn’t be us creating those tests - life will test us.
Furthermore, we have to allow trust to enter our being. Trust cannot grow if I keep testing and don’t build trust through any of those experiences even if people prove to be trustworthy. With this beautiful new connection, life is again forcing me into trust. I want to be with her so badly I have no other choice than to let trust grow. No matter how this will turn out to be, I already thank her for showing me new layers of trust and for showing me all the layers of mistrust that have clouded my vision.
It was an intense week. Maybe the most intense in a long while. The good thing about Bali is that even intense weeks you can spend at the beach. I had a great time relaxing and spending time with the ocean and myself. I healed some deep wounds already being just one week in that connection. It has already affected my outlook on business. I understand now that I want to shift my focus away from creating the Maps of Ascencion to promoting them.
I didn’t fully trust their importance. Deep down I knew that I had to bring these transmissions to the world but I didn’t trust the world to be ready which is not the world’s problem but my projection. As you can see, trust is affecting every area of life. In the future, I will still expand the Maps of Ascencion, channels will still come through. But the baby has been born and is able to walk. I don’t have to babysit it all the time anymore. I can start to turn my attention to other things. I’ll keep you posted on what that will look like.
Much love my darlings. Let’s go ever deeper into trust.
